Venus of Willendorf Is A Goddess Too!

One thing I’ve always believed to be true is that I can’t change my body until I am willing to live in my body. And the one thing I’ve resisted like the plague my whole life has been owning this particular body. But, I know that it’s really important to first be present in my body and to feel myself right out to my edges if I’m going to be able to make the changes I want to make on the physical level.
I’ve had other reasons not to be “here”, grounded, incarnated… but aside from all those more spiritual dilemmas, I’ve never felt connected to this fat body and therefore refused on many levels to claim it fully as my own.
Why bother? I planned to be out of it in no time and to live my true life as a thin, fit and strong goddess-type.
I’ve always felt my inner goddess, but couldn’t really express her in such a shamefully “wrong” body. Nope, my true expression of self and power would have to wait.
Now, here I am at 45 years old and it finally dawns on me that the Venus of Willendorf was a goddess too!
Oh, how I used to shudder to think that I really could look kind of like her (except of course that I do have feet and my arms aren’t little threads, oh and I have a face…) But, the woahza generous breasts resting on the much too generous belly… well, if I wasn’t there in youth, I’m there now.
Really, I used to find her sort of horrifying, and being a student of mythology and ancient religions, I saw her alot. I suppose I just couldn’t see that fat little body as anything but unpleasant and that was not who she was at all. Fertility, Life, Womanhood, even Sexuality. That’s who she was. Power for certain.

The thing is, I don’t want to get in my body just to be a fat woman until I lose weight. I want to be a goddess even now, and so… Willendorf is my girl. I’m going to take all that great primordial feminine power and just condense it into a healthier, fitter body.

Actually, I have had a bit of practice with this because when I got pregnant at 42, I weighed 230 pounds. I never in my life imagined that would be me… But there I was, and I knew I had to be present for that little person growing inside of me. I had to be in my body and I had to love my body. I didn’t want to be feeling negative things while my daughter was sharing so much with me. So, I forced myself to stand in front of the mirror and like what I saw. I did think of my fat little goddess statue then. Also, thought of Baroque paintings of soft, round women. And I was lucky enough to be able to think about the way my husband looks at me and how he loves me just as I am… (crazy bastard).
I think it was easier in a way, because being pregnant is such a powerful state to be in. I was grounded because it is a truely grounding experience. It was easy to eat well and to appreciate my body for the spectacularly miraculous thing it was doing. I was seriously impressed with this body that I had so long taken for granted and practically shunned.
I did great being pregnant, even at that weight (and at 42!) For anyone out there who’s being told they’re too old or too fat… I’m here to tell you that it’s not necessarily so.
I only gained about 10 pounds in all and ended up almost 20 pounds less than when I started after giving birth.
That’s goddess energy in action, I think.

art by Stephen Peters, who loves all goddesses

So, I am determined to own my fat body again. Just long enough to fill it up with my energy and my light and to change it for the healthier.

I will remember Willendorf and appreciate the beauty and power of that shape. And then I will consolidate all that power into the strong and thinner body that will serve me much better for the rest of my life.
I’m always going to keep my inner Venus of Willendorf now, though.
She rocks.