Food is not my boyfriend…anymore.

I was just giving advice to a friend about a relationship she was having that was really not good for her. She needed to end it, without doubt.

She’d tried a few times and was instantly sad and empty and went back in. Partly from loneliness and partly boredom, because sometimes even an unsatisfying and bad relationship is still better than nothing. Feeling something is better than feeling nothing.

I had told her she needed to have something else in her life or it would just be too hard to resist. (I’m very wise about other people’s lives, you see…) She also needed to be prepared for those feelings because they would certainly hit. Come evening, come morning’s first light, the weekend, Sunday afternoon, driving in the car thinking of him… Habit.

But if she could find something, ANYTHING, that she could get excited about, that could make her feel alive, feel stimulated and interested in life… it would make all the difference.

And I just now realized that that is the EXACT strategy I need to have for my diet.

If I just stop eating, I’m taking away my main source of comfort and stress relief and sometimes even companionship and if I have nothing to replace it with, I’m making my road so much harder, and even setting myself up for failure.

First, I have to look at what food does do for me. Even a bad habit gives us something, right? What was I getting out of eating sugar and snacking too much? The answer to that will help me come up with a good strategy to fill those “needs” in other ways. The better prepared I am, the more of a chance I have not to fail.
Eating and over-eating gives me comfort, anxiety relief, numbness and yes, even pure pleasure. That’s a big one I don’t hear a lot of people talk about, especially people who are already dieting. It’s as if we don’t want to remind ourselves of the fact that food is good. Tastes good and feels good. Being fat doesn’t feel good, but eating often does. I believe that if we ignore or deny that, it makes us more vulnerable. So, I’ll admit it. I like the bad boy! Meaning mostly, carbs, I guess. I mean CARBS from the wrong side of the tracks. Not whole grains and quinoa and millet. I mean chocolate, white sugar, processed bread and chips. Yeah, that’s the stuff.

Now I dig deep and figure out how to fill those sensory needs without resorting to empty calories. It can’t be just anything, and it can’t be things that don’t inspire me to want to continue doing them. Meaning, it can’t be all “chores”. Sometimes having a good list of chores to accomplish can make a day feel productive and keep me distracted. But it’s not a long term solution. It’s easy to stay busy, but not as simple to be fulfilled.

Here are the things I’m trying.
First, I need something for angst relief. I have anxiety issues and I know I’m using food to numb my nervous system and keep me calm. I’m doing cardio for that now. I’m lucky enough to really enjoy exercise and a good sweat will lower my anxiety all day. I need to make it a priority even over housework or any other work. Sometimes it has to be “me first” in a healthy way.

Next, I need something to excite me. For me, that’s doing creative things. Making my jewelry, pendulums and drawing and writing. The list goes on and on. Again, I need to allow myself the time to do the things that I truly enjoy. Part of it is for my store, Rock Paper Tree, so that’s actually necessary, which is a plus. These blogs have also been a fun way for me to express myself and also find a way to connect to others and share a community for support.

That’s another key for me; to be able to give and receive support and friendship. It’s so easy to get isolated in this bustling world. Making new friends through blogging has been really uplifting to my spirit.

And for pure pleasure… well, I’ve started reading again. I mean reading straight stories that pull me in and transport me to other worlds. I haven’t done that for literally years now. I’ve had so much reading to do for child rearing or other intellectual pursuits. Finally, I stopped reading at all because I was too tired to focus by the time of night when I finally had time. I only had enough energy to eat and watch t.v. before passing out. But now, I get in bed and read my books and I don’t need to eat.

T.V. is deadly for dieting for me. I have total association between watching T.V. and eating.

There you have it. My basic strategy. There are lots more things to add in as time goes by. I need to keep working on this list. I think meditation would be good. Some kind of moving meditation, like Tai Chi, or yoga. Sometimes spending $10 on Amazon just for fun can really feel like a crazy fun thing.

What about you? What do you do to feed your soul and spirit while you are asking your body to release the extra weight? What nice thing can you do for yourself today that feels even better than eating used to?